I Said Yes to the Dress

Holy cow!  All sorts of big wedding decisions are being made over at the proposed abode!   Not only have we settled on our wedding venue, I’ve found “the” dress.   I want to share the planned process and then what actually happened, but it might get a little lengthy, so I’m labeling each section.

If you don’t love wedding chatter, but want to see the dress I chose, then scroll to the bottom. It’s the last photo.

And Ryan – if you’re actually reading your fiance’s blog for once – DO NOT CONTINUE.

Chapter 1: What I thought I wanted

For the last few months I’ve been pinning a distinct style of  gown – lightweight lace or chiffon gowns with simple but elegant flowing silhouettes and almost no train, like this: 

While of course I wanted to look fabulous and elegant and totally like a bride, for a fun-filled outdoor beachy wedding I wanted something comfortable and lightweight.  Have you felt how heavy some wedding gowns are??

These chiffony or lacey gowns looked so dreamy, elegant, and easy to dance in, while still looking like a bride, of course.

Finally, there was one more important factor:  I would not buy gown from a company that manufactured in China, because that would most likely be made in a sweatshop.   In short – it narrowed my options, and definitely eliminated David’s Bridal.

Chapter 2:  My planned gown shopping process

As I prepped for the gown-buying process, there were two key bits of information that I was armed with, all thanks to my blog friend Jeannine, who’s also a bride-to-be.  Apparently she’s also the all-knowing queen of weddings, or so I think. 🙂

1.  I knew about Church Street Bridal, a non-profit shop in Lynchburg that sells sample gowns donated by places like Kleinfelds, to raise money for the YWCA.  It’s a store that seems way too good to be true, as the gowns are sold for a very tiny fraction of their retail price – but I promise, it really exists! According to their site, “for $250-$700 you can purchase a bridal gown that retailed for $800-$12,000.”

2.  Jeannine pointed me to a list and info that shows  there are actually wedding gown designers who still manufacture their dresses in the USA, as well as a few who manufacture in Canada.

My plan was to try Church Street Bridal first, in early January.  It’s 3-4 hours from DC, so we had  to plan it as a 2-day excursion.  I determined that, at Church Street Bridal, I could try on any gown and even if I found a gown that was made in China, I could buy it.  . . . but why?

Because the store receives the gowns as donations, all of the money I paid for the gown would go to Church Street Bridal, aka the YWCA – not back into the pockets of the company who made the gown.  Since my goal is to not put my money into the pockets of sweatshop labor companies,  this is/was an ok approach for me.

*I know this approach may not work for everyone, especially those who are more anti-sweatshop purists than I am.

Chapter 3:  The Budget

I hoped to buy my gown at Church Street or else secondhand (online),  so I set my “budget” at $4,000.  If Church Street didn’t work out and then I found a $4,000 gown at a regular shop, I figured I’d buy it secondhand online.

Because I was shopping for a US or Canada-made, non sweatshop wedding dress, I knew that would increase the price.  It’s a big purchase, and becuase I believe you vote with your dollars, I wanted my dollars to either go to charity or to a company whose ethics I agree with.

Chapter 4: What Really Happened

When I visited my parents recently, my mother ambushed me.  She said we were going to a secondhand bridal store, but then she stopped the car at a regular bridal shop.  Gah. I warned her that I *would not* try on any dresses that were not made in the USA or Canada, then we went in.

The sales associates at Anastasia’s were friendly and helpful but not pushy, and totally showed me which dresses were made in the US or Canada.  They had a beautiful selection of gowns, many of which were made either by Paloma Blanca, a designer in Canada.  The dresses are handmade in the same building as the company headquarters, and it’s a relatively small company.  You can read more about them here.   In other words, they get the Borrowed Abode seal of approval.  🙂

My mother immediately zeroed in on a simple strapless silk Paloma Blanca gown, and I was amazed by how light and just gorgeous the dress fabric felt.  Seriously, there is such a huge difference in look and feel when you compare budget-friendly synthetic fiber dresses to the higher quality (and higher priced) gowns.  I couldn’t believe the difference.

Dress #1: Chiffon and SimpleI selected three gowns to try, all of which exuded the qualities I thought I wanted.  Simple, strapless, and A-line (ish).

The first gown I tried was a lightweight chiffon gown made in NYC by Elma Reis. The price tag was a scary $3500, but it was exactly what I thought I wanted  so I had to try it.

. . . and oh my gosh, I hated what I saw!  It was beautiful and tasteful. And boring. It made me feel like an matronly old woman.  No offense to anyone of any age, I’m just telling you how that particular style made me feel.

Dress #2:  The Perfect Silk Dress

Next up, the Paloma Blanca gown that was simple, silk, and elegant.  More affordably priced, at $1700.  And definitely not old-ladyish. It fit me well, and I was pretty sure it would make the perfect dress.  My mother, who seemed to be having *much* more fun than I was with this whole ridiculous process, insisted I try a veil. Ick. I’m not a veil girl, FYI.  It quickly was removed from my head and replaced with a little lace fascinator. Much better.

In the photo below, it appears that they’ve pulled the skirt back some. In real life the skirt was more a-line and bridal looking.

Dress #3:  Ridiculosity, Just For Fun

And finally, I tried on another more “hip” Paloma Blanca gown just for fun.  Why?  Because I’d seen things like it in magazines and thought they were absolutely ridiculous.   At least the dress was also beautiful silk and super lightweight.

I put the dress on, simply becuase I wanted to try something different.  I bet you know where this is going . . .

Yep, I saw myself in the mirror and fell for the dress.  And then stood there confused, trying to figure out where my desire to wear this dress [that I tried on as a joke]  was coming from.  And then I realized:

You won’t see it often in my daily life or on this blog, but I do love me some fun fashion.  I used to dream of being a fashion designer.  But I keep that side hidden, because I’m trying not to spend money on sweatshop goods OR waste money on clothes.

I say all this because as soon as I put the dress on I realized that on my wedding day I really want to wear a phenomenal, very fashionable dress.  Something with a lot of unique style.  Something that is more fashionista-y and less “classic and timeless.”

I did try the other gown back on one or two more times just to make sure, but the damage was done.  And it’s all my mom’s fault, for dragging me eagerly into that shop!

In Conclusion:

I’ve since been combing the internet, trying to find a used dress (Paloma Blanca Style #4159) to save money, but no luck so far.  Apparently the gown needs to be ordered more than 5 months ahead, because it’s made to order (with or without train, etc) – so if I’m buying new, I have to do so by the end of November.

The result? I’m probably going to buy the dress new.  But I like the company, so I’m happy to support them. And when I buy through the small bridal shop we found it at, I’ll be supporting a small business there as well.

***My advice to you if you’re going wedding gown shopping:***

1.  Have an idea of what you like and don’t like before you shop, but if you’re set on one particular style or silhouette, be open to trying on one or two dresses that are different – because you just might be surprised.

2.  HOWEVER, know your budget and do not – I Repeat, DO NOT – try on any dresses that exceed your budget.  Please, just spare yourself the heartache or potential credit card debt. It’s not worth it.

That, more than anything, is why I did NOT want to try “new” dresses at a regular bridal store.  But my mom said “oh let’s just look.”   And you see what happened then!