Three weeks ago today my mom passed away. I haven’t been inspired to share this on the blog, or anywhere for that matter. But at some point you have to share and move on, and I thought maybe by sharing this here, it would help others who are preparing to encounter a similar situation. I really wanted to know what to expect.
My mom had been moving around the house with the help of the walker up until the Saturday night before she passed. She was battling end stage Multiple Myeloma, a blood cancer that shows up as lesions in the bones. Thanks to side effects of one of the last chemos she tried, she also was severely anemic because her body had stopped producing new red blood cells. Finally, she was also in kidney failure caused by the Multiple Myeloma, and that’s what ultimately took her life.
So on Saturday night my mom went to bed and didn’t get out of bed again. When the hospice nurse woke her up to check her on Sunday, my mom was fairly incoherent from the end stage of kidney failure. We talked to her, but she didn’t speak again. She did convey a little with facial expressions.
When Ryan and I left for home on Sunday, it was clear that my mom wouldn’t be getting out of bed or talking and being herself again. At that point my only wish was that she pass quickly and easily, because she never wanted to be stuck like a vegetable in bed.
We drove back to Delaware on Monday after work, and spent some time talking to my mom and holding her hand that night before going to bed. At this point she was in a deep sleep and there was no response.
On Tuesday morning I awoke before the sun came up because the baby was kicking me more than ever before. I lay in bed for a while, unable to sleep. Finally I went downstairs, and my dad and I went in to sit with my mom. She appeared to be gasping for breath, but was completely out of it. We got my brother, who had also spent the night. I took her hand in mine and said good morning, and with the three of us there beside her, she took one more breath and was gone.
I had read a lot about what to expect when someone passes at home, and many people believe that a dying person will wait for her loved ones to be present. I now wonder if that is really possible.
So that’s what’s been going on with me. I am truly thankful that my mom didn’t get stuck in bed for more than 2 days, and I am also thankful that Ryan and I did spend almost every weekend of the last 4 months with her. While you’d always like more time with someone, at least we had that time.
I think the saddest thing is knowing that she almost lived long enough to meet the baby, and she wanted to meet her so, so much.
7 Comments
while we should rejoice she’s no longer in pain, my heart breaks that she’ll not get to meet your beautiful child Jane. Sending my most deepest and sincere condolences to you and your family.
Darling Jane, first, know that you and your family are in my heart & prayers. I am so sorry your mom didn’t make it until darling baby was born. But let me say this: I absolutely believe your mom is in heaven with your daughter, getting her ready to come and spend her life with you. I believe she is telling her all about you and the life you two shared. She’ll be the one to send her off to you on that wonderful day she is born. I believe your mom will be there in spirit with you on that day. I think you will feel her close. I totally believe that God does his work through our families and they have a very vested interest in our lives from heaven. I think they are the ones that most intently watch over and protect us. I have no doubt your mom and your daughter already know each other well. <3
I’m so glad you chose to share this, even though it must have been difficult. I’ve been thinking about you often these past few days! I know the journey through grief will be hard, but I hope that you know how loved and supported you are throughout the process. My Grandpa passed away about 5 years before I was born, but the way my mom talks about him makes me feel like I know him. I think your sweet baby girl will know her Grandma too through the stories you tell about her! Much love to you and yours during this time, ~Mikalah
I’m sorry for your loss. I understand a lot about what you’re feeling as my mother passed early this year. I didn’t know if I should blog about it either, but I did and it probably helped. Unfortunately, I don’t believe there’s any way for us to truly prepare for this moment of life. I have found that allowing yourself to feel the sadness helps, but to an extent. When I start to feel overwhelmed with it, I shift my focus to gratitude. I hope you find the peace you need through this time. (hugs)
I just discovered that I never responded to your comment, and I’m sorry. After I shared my post I was still quiet and didn’t respond to anything, but I had planned to when I felt more cheerful. I really appreciate your sharing your experience and thoughts in your comment. I’m so sorry you went through a similar situation last year. I really love your idea of shifting the focus to gratitude. I took that advice to heart and it does help! XO!
Jane, I’m so sorry for your loss. I lost my dearest Dad three years ago, so I have some sense of what you are going through. I hope you can take comfort in the fact that you were all with her, and that she didn’t linger in suffering. May the memory of her love give you strength.
Pip
Thank you so much!